Destination: Subitam Vel Repentinam Mutationem

Yesterday I defeated.

I went to work, as all days, but I knew that It already will be not the same. They have made us to do client service. I have gone, again, with my mp3 in my ears. I entered, I sat, I started to work, and then they make us go there. It was horrible.

Then on some calls, which I deal, the crisis arrived. It calls an angry person. I couldn't do everything. I didn't found the information. People didn't notice that I needed some help. I was, at least, fifteen minutes like that. I couldn't deal with all the pression of doing everything at the same time. I crumbled. I couldn't take breath, I couldn't evite crying as a stupid one, the hands shaked. I wanted to move away to my conscience but she was there.

Finally, when I was destroyed, they took me to a room. Two cold and rigid shadows, pretended to understand what was happening. They tried to make me feel calm, and they tried to convince me to return. But words were full of hipocrisy. They only wanted to wash their hands. I felt that.

Later, I went, listening music again. I only listened a song: Heart-Shaped glasses, of Marilyn Manson. It is curious, but it is the only thing that makes me feel calm as a sedative when I am at the limits of self-destruction.

On top of that, two of my Milan's friends are playing with fire. They have done a trip, and it is the second time that they told: "Next time I'm going to meeting you!" If you would want to go, you would have already gone.. Don't wait me to go to Milan, fuck off!

ill

Today is not one of my better days.

I'm ill. I'm not fine, I have pain of threat and eyes. Yesterday I had stomachache and headache too. I have not temperature, but anyway, I'm a virus with feet.

It annoy me! Why does it happen today? This mean that I'm not coming to theatre in two weeks! Next week if at most, I will go only to greet.. Today I can't go out. At any way, I have the pc to talk and write, books to read, letters to answer. I have something to do.

I feel full.

Hi to everybody:

At this period I feel full because of many reasons. I feel good, it seems that all my dreams started to be real.

People say that there are three things in the life: Healthy, money and love. I don't really agree. Healthy is important, of course, it is a basic mainstay of a happy person. Money, it depends of the level. We have to be agree with the money that we have. And love... Well, love is important but not essential. Is more important to have people near to you when the boat starts to sink.

In fact, one of the better things that I started to live is that I'm knowing a lot of people, for example, school partners, or people who share my religion believes...

Is an important thing too, that artistic, I'm started to feel more realized, more important to people... I don't know. I start to find more oportunities. Is one of the more important things for me, to be valued for people artistically.

At last, about my emotional life, there's not a certain thing, but I see more clearly everything.There are things to make clear and battles to fight, and I don't know what will be the finish. But I have hopes.

I'm better that these days...

One week ago, when people who can't stand make my objectives, I don't make sense to nothing and I see everything full of difficults and obstacles.I have to say thanks to everybody who tried to make me feel happy, Moisés, Elio, Raffaele, and I don't know if I forget someone, but specially to Matteo and Vanessa, they has insisted a lot to make me smile.

Today, Samhain, The finish of the year for celthic and today for wiccans, I have decided that I'm tired of to be sad and obviously, I tried to feel better. I have dreassed, I have taked my bag, I have hanged up my mp3 on my neck and I went out, With hip-hop, reggae and rock music (specially Gemboy) My smile started to increase, I never can't listen the last one without laugh a little. (Although I need to change two times my batteries)

I make a long walk, watching the landscape , the parks, the shops. Then I hve returned and I bought a coke. When I have returned to mu house, I turned on my computer. I have reorganized my ideas on the notebook what I have bought some day ago, and I continued to listening music.

Today I chatted in galician with a boy on skype, I didn't do that for centuries, and now for me is really difficult to speak in Galician without mistake and say some word in Italian... :D Fortunatly, I didn't had forget a lot. Now I remember of that thing that a teacher say us at 2º. People who have Galician as the mother language, have more difficults to learn Italian. And now I think that it can be true, because I can't speak correctly Galician if I don't think twice the phrase.

Then I have continued to listening to music, to the lunch time. I have eaten lasagne. Then I have slept a little with my cat next to me. Later I have seen the tv , Marta came to my house and we were toghether for a little. Then I went to my Italian class.

I have dinner and when I finished I have been connected, watching the tv, listening to music... And I had a whish list for the new pagan year too :D

Back to the EOI...

Today I have started again the classes in the school languages. At morning, I've went to 3º year English's class. I have the same teacher as in 2º, but I don't mind. About my old partners, I only find one, that I had at 1º.

At evening, I have went to my Italian's lessons. There, there are a lot of people I knew. The teacher is of Genova. We has introduced to the partners, (In Italian, obviusly) and just today we had to do homework. A letter to tell him a little about what we like or dislike at lessons, and I have did it...

I'm happy and relaxed, I have a lot of energy and whishes of make things!

Another weekend without going out...

I'm sad. The last weekend I didn't going out. That weekend neither. I feel alone, useless, asking me about everything. That was the last weekend first of return to the languages school. And I'm not well about nothing. I only shelter me in the arms of the Goddess, and while, I listen ragamuffin and dream with someday better. Unfortunatly, is not very easy.