That boy of the ATM...

State- sad

Song- Gianna Nannini- Attimo

I’m sad. Thoughtful. Months have past, but I remember. I remember when I was at Gratosoglio, and a young driver, I think an autobus driver, told me “Buongiorno” with a smile. I answered, with a smile too. And I continued by my way. I don’t remember if the driver was a a tram driver or a autobus driver, but probably the second one. There are two trams there, the 3 and the 15, and the line 79 of bus. And the boy was waiting some minutes first of going again. I didn’t say nothing in that moment, because I had Fabio. But I have to say that I didn’t forgot that boy. And I regret not to say nothing else.

I couldn’t find his trace. I returned to my home. I don’t know why I remember him. Maybe I lie myself and I try to distract my conscience of my sad and cruel life. I’m not in my Milan. And spring arrived. Spring makes me feel strange. Who was him? What was his name? Maybe that smile was just my imagination? I Orly know that I remember him. And nobody can help me.

A little bit sad

çStatus: A little bit sad
Song: Verdena: Ovunque

Today I'm a little bit sad. I'm at Bologna. I like a boy of a bar and its some days I don't see him. One of the children is ill so tomorrow I will be busy all day. In addition, today the weather is not so good and all boys ignore me xDDD

I have a good new too but I can't talk about it because is not sure. I hope it.

Courage

State: A little bit tired
Song: Los Piratas- La sal

I have been to Italy for two months. Fortunately, I'm back to Milan again (alwayas as an a pair) If I couldn't return to Milan again, I would get crazy. I can't stand the little villages. I'm a city woman. I prefer to feel under my feet that the road shaking because of the underground,instead of hearing no noise at nights. It makes me feel alive.Apart from that, some situations make me prefer always Milan.

Unfortunately, it is not all right. Some people are not really well. Some people because I'm far. Another people, although I'm close to them, they have really big problems.

Each second is important... I haven't realise of it at first.

Some people think that to do what I did (going abroad, without nothing for sure and with the risk of losing everything) is for courageous people. Maybe is not for courageous people, but it is for crazy people. For coward people. I needed to go. Not many people suffrered, but the people who suffered, they suffered a lot. Not many people realise that I have arrived, neither. But I didn't go unnoticed for some people.

Some things that are happening around me are too hard for me, but I have to be strong.

The face of happiness...

I'm in love...

Nerves

Status: Thoughful
Song: Gamba de Legn- Ciapasala no

Hi everyone, I have decided to write again, I have only the English exams, on Monday and Thursday, but now I have much more time because I don't have lessons. The Chinese exams have gone ok, although the day of the oral exam I met the director of studies (who is a little bit teasing, and as I said sometimes, he taught me...) And he asked me if I was making such a racket upstairs (Oh, of course, you ask it to somebody who is really quiet...:D)

During this days I felt a little sad because I don't know anything about the job. I tried to call and... no answer. And there is a month to go. Obviously, this fact upset me. To tell the truth, I was starting to think in staying at home, but I realised that I absolutely have to go. Whatever happens. Deep down, the most seriously thing that could happen is to have the need of going to the Spanish consulate and ask for a return ticket, But I hope not to reach that limit...

Nevertheless, during last weeks I have had a kind of virtual love at first sight with a boy from Milan, the strangest thing is that it seems to be mutual.... He has impressed myself a lot really, and it seems that I impressed him too. By the way, independiently of this, he looks surprised because he says I look really involved with politics... To tell the truth I have been interested in that for some years... My ideas had been always more or less the same... More or less. The most curious thing is that regarding Italy, some people really convinced of their ideas have done that I could know some people (virtually at last) of the politics world. Some majors, dipolomate ranks and candidates. o_O

At least, I has been called from the ONCE for a Braille course. They really have the obbligation of organize courses, but there are not many volonteers at Vigo, so they organise this course sometimes :D

Little relief

Status: Triste, pesimista
Song: Caparezza: Un vero uomo dovrebbe lavare i piatti


Only two things: I'm not fine and everything is a holy shit.

About age difference

Yesterday, I talked with a person about age differences in couples, she does not agree with cases that a boy is ten years bigger than a girl, she thinks that it is aberration because when the couple gets old, a person who is 50 years old is with a person who is 60. That is because, as the people who really know me know, for some time now, I like boys who are older than me, with differences between eight and forty years old, aproximately. Obviously, when I was youngest I thank as well that it was an aberration, but I'm going to explain the reasons because I do not think so:

1) In natural questions, a woman become mature earlier than a man, so genetically and fisically, they usually can get old first. .

2) At the same time, it is not difficult look boys of 40 which same to have 35, and boys of 30 which seems to have 20, in a question of maturity, many girls have the maturity of an 30 years old woman. So, it depends on the behaviour of the both people.

3) Many people says that "10 years are nothing". If they are not nothing to a thing, as well, they are not nothing to other thing.

So, if somebody wants to criticize, criticize me. Some years ago I did like that.

A new chapter?

Maybe.

Maybe I would have to close a chapter in my life.

Maybe la Viga has to die. And I will be Anahí again. So, the buddist profecy could be real.

I wait until tomorrow...

I kid myself.

I kid myself thinking it will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow I could breath, tomorroy I could scape. Tomorrow I could look through your eyes, and tell you what I really think. If you are in that tomorrow yet, I will be there.

Another time the "morriña". The morriña, in Galician, is the homesickness. The homesickness which is destroying myself inside and outside of me. Thoughts, lost throught the clouds of my head. Indescriptible anxiety which break my soul too. I don't breath. I can't breath. I must to pass these exams. I must to be free and be calm on September. I have to return.

And we will be again, then of discussions, tears, and a strange plot of love stories, hateness and sex. And we will hug ourselves, while cars shout, people look us with a mixture of hateness and envy, and tram cars move without piety. At the same time, I will look around myself, remembering old memories, and, I will smile, with tears in my eyes.

Tears go down my eyes each time I remember that hug. And I cry when I remember me rounding in the Milan streets, hoping the tomorrow never would come.

But it arrived. And now I'm here, in Vigo, thinking I'm happy about being Galician at the end. Vigo, the city of Olives. Tree of the peace, the fertility, the victory and the reward. But I don't have internal peace, I have to won my victory, and the reward would be the result. Waiting yet. Dreaming yet. An. And.

I'm only a phantom of the past...?

Happy.. but thoughtful

I'm thinking.

There are 13 days. 13 days of wait. Only 13. Then of these 13 I will finally understand what's the thing that heat my heart, that hug my mind and makes me cout all moments which I'm breathing.

I thank that then of my trip to Milan, or, my trip to the mind's confussion that the big metropolis have deffinitely decided about my heart, there wasn't solution. I was already a soul without destiny that saunder up and down thinking that he didn't exist. But exists. Exists and seems that he wants me.

In fact, it has appeared my ideal man. I don't know yet what It will happen. Two weeks yet... Today is a confusion's day too, anyway. A messagge of "happy bithday" sent from my mobile makes me remember that moment. The moment in that the "Viga" arrived to the big metropolis and was with some friends a little crazy. A message with answer that makes me remember. Makes me remember that they are there, and they didn't forget this friend that is a little crazy.

Forgotten dreams

Today I dreamt with Jose, a boy that I liked when I was 15.

He was an school partner and, First of all, I got on well with him, the problem was when he discovered that I liked him. I was crazy avout him to the 17. Nowadays, I have supered this, although my emotional situation is always unsteady, he, he, he.

Men...

I have a big mix-up in my mind..

I have a lot of men in my mind... And I don0t know if I'm important to someone...

Probably I'm not nothing to some of then. Or an admirer. Or a friend. But no-one will dream with me...

I'm listening a song that predicts the tragedy...

Bad weekend

This weekend wasn't the best:

- Fights at Friday night
- Melancholy at Saturday night
- Wishes of realize an impossible dream
- Jelousy at Sunday.

I feel full.

Hi to everybody:

At this period I feel full because of many reasons. I feel good, it seems that all my dreams started to be real.

People say that there are three things in the life: Healthy, money and love. I don't really agree. Healthy is important, of course, it is a basic mainstay of a happy person. Money, it depends of the level. We have to be agree with the money that we have. And love... Well, love is important but not essential. Is more important to have people near to you when the boat starts to sink.

In fact, one of the better things that I started to live is that I'm knowing a lot of people, for example, school partners, or people who share my religion believes...

Is an important thing too, that artistic, I'm started to feel more realized, more important to people... I don't know. I start to find more oportunities. Is one of the more important things for me, to be valued for people artistically.

At last, about my emotional life, there's not a certain thing, but I see more clearly everything.There are things to make clear and battles to fight, and I don't know what will be the finish. But I have hopes.

I'm awful

Hi to everybody,

I'm awful from yesderday.

That's the second time, the plans go to hell again. I feel powerless seeing as everything is out of control, and I can't do nothing to get a solution for my problems.

Emocionally, I'm worst everyday, It couldn't be another way.

Is not right...Everything is going bad and now I'm destroied.

Today is 7 th November

Today is 7th November.

Today, just one year ago, I was destroied. My red eyes, full of tears, couldn't stop crying. I thank: " I'll never return to be happy" I didn't find sense to something, and I thank the world finished. Just one year later, everything is different.

The Anahí of today is different. She doesn't feel bitterness to the causing of the tears, because I wasn't exactly the true causing. The Anahí of today, look to life more positively her life and look her whishes closer. She is calm. She's happy of to be absolutely single. She dances, sings, writes, laughs, goes out with friends. She get progress in the school. She is happy.