I wait until tomorrow...

I kid myself.

I kid myself thinking it will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow I could breath, tomorroy I could scape. Tomorrow I could look through your eyes, and tell you what I really think. If you are in that tomorrow yet, I will be there.

Another time the "morriña". The morriña, in Galician, is the homesickness. The homesickness which is destroying myself inside and outside of me. Thoughts, lost throught the clouds of my head. Indescriptible anxiety which break my soul too. I don't breath. I can't breath. I must to pass these exams. I must to be free and be calm on September. I have to return.

And we will be again, then of discussions, tears, and a strange plot of love stories, hateness and sex. And we will hug ourselves, while cars shout, people look us with a mixture of hateness and envy, and tram cars move without piety. At the same time, I will look around myself, remembering old memories, and, I will smile, with tears in my eyes.

Tears go down my eyes each time I remember that hug. And I cry when I remember me rounding in the Milan streets, hoping the tomorrow never would come.

But it arrived. And now I'm here, in Vigo, thinking I'm happy about being Galician at the end. Vigo, the city of Olives. Tree of the peace, the fertility, the victory and the reward. But I don't have internal peace, I have to won my victory, and the reward would be the result. Waiting yet. Dreaming yet. An. And.

I'm only a phantom of the past...?

Incredible...

And it has finished...

And official lessons have finished. Now is the turn of exams. The English and Chinese lessons have finished in a regular way, but not the Italian ones.

At the Italian classes we never had a united group, but two groups. Today the evidences exploted. The revolted band went to the café to cellebrate a course's ending, hypocritical and clandestinelest. However, the symphatizers of the "captain" Fabio, stayed in class, in a respect and educated way, paying attention to his last explanations.

Tensions in that class were evidents, but this last times, tension was really hard. There was only a timetable to Italian, with hens and owls. Almost everybody, women, and the hipocrisy was obvious. The hipocrisy's play has been obligatory during the course. If not, you could be uncorrectly seen.

And now it has finished, almost the ship hasn't arrived to a safe port. I think that every soldier could obey to his captain, or at least respect him, but I could see that not everybody thinks like me.

Destination: Subitam Vel Repentinam Mutationem

Yesterday I defeated.

I went to work, as all days, but I knew that It already will be not the same. They have made us to do client service. I have gone, again, with my mp3 in my ears. I entered, I sat, I started to work, and then they make us go there. It was horrible.

Then on some calls, which I deal, the crisis arrived. It calls an angry person. I couldn't do everything. I didn't found the information. People didn't notice that I needed some help. I was, at least, fifteen minutes like that. I couldn't deal with all the pression of doing everything at the same time. I crumbled. I couldn't take breath, I couldn't evite crying as a stupid one, the hands shaked. I wanted to move away to my conscience but she was there.

Finally, when I was destroyed, they took me to a room. Two cold and rigid shadows, pretended to understand what was happening. They tried to make me feel calm, and they tried to convince me to return. But words were full of hipocrisy. They only wanted to wash their hands. I felt that.

Later, I went, listening music again. I only listened a song: Heart-Shaped glasses, of Marilyn Manson. It is curious, but it is the only thing that makes me feel calm as a sedative when I am at the limits of self-destruction.

On top of that, two of my Milan's friends are playing with fire. They have done a trip, and it is the second time that they told: "Next time I'm going to meeting you!" If you would want to go, you would have already gone.. Don't wait me to go to Milan, fuck off!

Concentrated in my dreams

I have started to looking how to make my dreams take shape, and realize them. I don't think already at time, but only at the objective (As the pacient buddists do) I have posed myself a lot of objectives to this year when it started, and actually, I'm working on it. I don't think to give up.

Maybe there are a couple of objectives which are more important than the others, the first of them is returning to Milan. Of course, In a hand, as I work,I'm saving money now. In the other hand, I'm looking for alternatives to evite passing for Madrid or Barcelona, and of course, there is an interesting alternative, which is taking a bus from Vigo to Oporto. There are regular lines of departure and return, which go from the bus station to the Oporto's airport. The only problem is that I would go from the bus station many hours first of the flight... At least, three of four, he, he.

The other big objective is the artistic development. It is something which is a little blocked now, specially because of the school and the exams that are starting soon (two of Chinese, four of English and five of Italian) but when classes finish, I will try to put myself into that absolutely.

Now, I just wait. I wait, but concentrated, to finish the school. I wait and dream.

Some photos

These are some photos (I have downloaded only the photos in where I am) when we were going to Toledo...

The rest of them are in the album of Sonia, as another times, hehehe.

I think that one of my friends from Milan is right... I have had a fisical change really spetacular...

How do you see me? :D

Sexuality

At my 21 years old and a half, is not difficult to realize that sexuality is a completely taboo subject, people looks to that with a strange perception yet, and don't think about it how is it like, a part of us, of our nature. We insist in hiding it in the deepest of us to evite critics, because we don't want the others to think about our unreasoning when we are supposed to be racional animals.

There is another thing that is curious as well, the most part of us are bisexual and we usually don't know it, we take a decission tendencially, but probably inconscius. It's not our blame, but is like that. There is people who thinks that is unnatural, e people who says that is an habitual behaviour, with apes too. And I don't believe they are implant these things.

Nowadays,there is who talk about the boom of the sexuality. There is not a fashion, the fact is that along more than forty years, at least here, they had to occult there ideas because of frieghtning to the reprisals...

I think there is only a thing represenhible, which is when somebody obblies to another person to do what he doesn't want, specially if is a weak and defenceless person. Everybody should be free without be critisized.

It is time to give up the label of whore for women, and the one of virile for men.

Is because of stress

Spring has been always unpleasant to me. I always feel tired in spring. Furthermore of been tired, I'm always stressed. The reasons of my stress are many, the work, classes, family, the insufficient inspiration and the fisical pain. I felt stressed because my emotions on past years, but now, I don't think much about that stupid things, because I have much to do. Is not only that, some things, as my thoughts about men an the relationship I have with them, have changed.

Yesterday I had to do the oral exposition of Italian. I have delayed it already once, and while I was doing it, I felt as I was diying... I did it about the celts in Italy. I felt so nervous, but anyway, my voice doesn't shaked, and my body neither (that's strange, in general, when I feel nervous, my hands shake and I laugh a lot) My partners told me that they hadn't noticed I was nervous.

This is my last Italian year. In a hand, I'm glad about that because maybe I would felt less stress, but in the other hand, it's a pity for me. Obviously, I don't feel like repeating course :D but, in the end, when you know you finish something, you know that some situations will be not repeated. In that 5 years of Italian, I have learned a lot of things. It took me in many ways I didn't have imagined first, and it gave me (And is giving me) mindblowing moments. It has changed all my history...

I think the worst thing anyway, haven't come yet: The last week on this month, I will have all my exams, around ten, So, I have to concentrate myself in it :D

Enemies

Everybody has enemies, people who complicates my life, or we feel bad, when everything is going well to them and not to us, simply. Nobody is free of people who walk on us, and who seem to do everything better and have more opportunities, or about who enviies and hurt us... or try it.

But at the same time, having enemies could be an incentive. An incentive to struggle, compete, to be better. Maybe having enemies is good, because it makes to exert ourselves, and make them value us... That can help to oneself.

So, next time you will see your enemies, don't think "I will walk on you". But only: "I will be better than you" and work to realize your dreams.

Cíes!! (12/4)

And here there are the photos of the Cíes... I have got fun, although it was cold and It had rained :D

In the photos, we are Salomé and me, Susana isn't in the photos because she made it most of them, another photos were taken by Salomé.

Stressful period

I'm in a stressful period of the year. In a hand, yesterday I felt so bad at job. They made me take callings, and I felt an useless person. Finally. they made me do what I had done first. I will take a dislike to the telephones, the programmes and Orange. Uff.
In the other hand, it is an stressful period at the school languages too. We have to talk for a minute in Chinese (I haven't done yet because I didn't have time to prepare it) and I have to do an oral exposition in ITalian. I think that it has to be a 10 minutes exposition. Anyway, I already know what to talk about: About Celts in Italy. Brugh and Iunthanaka have passed me a lot of information about the Celtic Milan. Milan, I miss you so much. I love you and I hate you, you are my dream and my nightmare, awful tears of happiness... But I will return, although I know that I will feel in a tense situation as when I went, or maybe more...

Dreams....

A few days ago, I have had a curious dream.



Yes, it was me. I had a blue suit that looks great. So formal. My hear was put up in a bun. My lips, were made up. And I had a black small case. (No, I haven't robbed a bank)



I run as a crazy woman into the Milan streets. I run, I looked at my watch. I was in a hurry. In a big hurry. I was late. I arrived to an underground stop, and I went downstairs as fast as I could. In that moment, I have lost the underground that I had to take. I wait patiently the next one. When I was into, I tried to be a little calm. I was late, but there was only a little to arrive. Finally, I went down and ran. I ran as never I have run. I arrived to a place that seems an office. I went into.


Too late. A group of men, were sitted in front a table, and they looked at me... Some of them smile me, and another had face of: Where have you been????Uff.....

La tarantella te pizzica

My meiga!

I had promised that I would publish the images of my meiga (witch) which I have done with model pasta...

And that's it!

Cultural week EOI (Chinese)

Senza commenti... Su quello di cinese sono quella che non è ferma nemmeno in minuto, si dondola, incroccia e disincroccia le braccia, ecc....

These are the posters that have appeared in Vigo to celebrate the women's day...



Without comments... Who knows me, knows that Matteo, Pelone and etc called me like that :D And when I was at Milan, I had to heard thinks like "Ciao Viga!" or "Ciao Vighina!" :D

Pizzica!

Thursday was the "big day". Yes, I have had to play with my tambourine a song of the south of Italy called "U Santu Paulu". Well, I start from the beginning. It has started when Fabio- my Italian teacher- proposed me to play the tambourine in the cultural festival. I have accepted without thinking too much. I have to say that the rehearses, were strange situations for me: The first day were only Fabio and Marco (another teacher)who have played too. They have played the guitar and the accordion. First we were in the Italian departament (with teachers who entered and went out a lot of times) but finally, we went the the acting room. I have to admit that they should lend me a hand (or two) to find the rithym of the song, and now, I think it seems to the Galician jota punteada :D

On Monday, we had to rehearse again, but rouunded by some Italian partners who wanted to improve dancing. This time were too the two dancers who came from Puglia (South of Italy) to teach dancing. It was an open rehearse to the Italian courses, so, we were rounded of teachers...(Uff...!) It was really as been in family to me, because I know most of the people, ha, ha, ha. Some people congratulated me because of how I was played or asked me how much time I have played the tambourine, that kind of things... Simona and Alessandro (the dancers)thanked me at least, three or four times because of my participation (That's not important, is something I have done with pleasure) Then I went out.

Next day, I had an e-mail from Fabio.He asked me where I had gone, because they all come for some drinks and I wasn't. Ha, ha, ha. It happens. It was anyway, a strange situation for me :D Well, I didn't really know, and I was so tired... It seems that Fabio have run behind of me, but I have run more than him :D That day, I went to drink something with them then of the rehearse, and I felt a little shy: Alessandro and Simona knew more about me than I thought, ha, ha,ha. (Don't trust never in an Italian teacher.. that's a expert advice!)

Finally, we had the act on Thursday. I was so nervous, but I enjoyed it. I think I have superated a kind of block There were a lot of people who congratulated me, and when I have risen, Marco told me to go to the Italian departament for a moment. He said me: "The coordinator had to do this... but he have gone...." He gave me a present. Yes, there was a present for me and another one for the other girl (That have gone too) of the Italian departament. It was a logical but good thing: a reading book :D

Finally, we went for some drikns, it came too another teacher and some of my pupils. Fabio told me that he will fail me in order to make me participate next year (Oh... That's horrible.. If I'm failed, I have to do another two years!) I enjoyed a lot myself, but then I felt a little sad... It had arived the end!!!

When I have arrived to my home and I told everything to my mother, she said me that:Cuando llegué a casa y le conté todo a mi madre, me dijo dos cosas:

- I should asked to my teachers to write me something into the book (I haven't think about that, really)
- that I should asked the e-mail to the dancers (I have thought about it, but I didn't do it, ha, ha, ha)

That's all. I hope to have photos or something in the future :D

Chinese in the cultural week

Yesterday was friday, so I had have to work, I haven't lessons, but I had the Chinese performance.

There were so many people that didn't come, in fact, we were only five or six people of my class, he, he, he. They put me in the front part, because I'm in tune (I'm not the only one in the class, anyway) I was a little nervous, my Italian teacher was there, but I knew that. That isn't the thing that makes me feel nervous at most. I think I started feel nervous when I saw that the... I don't know who you call it.. the person who is the coordinator of a school... (and he is my ex teacher of Italian too...!) Uff... And I haven't do the Italian performance yet, I have to practise, he, he, he.

Well, It wasn't bad, the only problem is that my legs shacked a little. When I have to do something like that and I'm nervous, I have the sensation that I lose my balance with the heels. I had grasped my hands in the back to evite more shake.:D I would like to improve to control my nerves when somebody looks me, but I think you only can improve it when... You do it a lot of times!

And now, pizzica

I have to do something I couldn't never imagine. Some weeks ago, My italian teacher told me to play a pizzica. I have acepted, but I'm a little toughtful,because I knew that the South Italian music in general is so fast.

So, yesterday I have gone to work and then, I let my bag at house, I took my backpack and my tambourine. I waited, and then, we have gone, first of all, to the Italian departament, and then, to the acting room. (With my Italian teacher and another Italian teacher... without comments!... Well, fortunately they had a good behaviour :D)

I need to practise a little to produce a sound similar to pizzica's sound. First of all, because they are two instruments a little bit different (Who knows about celtic music, maybe knows how galician tambourine is) So, I have to addapt the rythm. Puglia's tambourine is playing in a different way, they move the hand that they have free. In Galicia (In general, there are exceptions) people move the hand which has the tambourine. In Galicia are playing too big tambourines, but I don't have it and I think I couldn't play it at all :D





Left: Galician tambourine. Right: Puglia's tambourine :D



Anyway, now I have the cd and I have all the weekend (I didn't do theatre on Saturday because most of people are going to Madrid today)

There is something curious... I had found things in common between this type of music and the tradicional galician music: The dance, the dresses (In the cd there is a video too...!) the singing method is similar, and the lyrics are structured in a similar way too.

Anyway, I have looked a little about the pre-roman story of Puglia and I have found this:

"Between the VII and the IX, the region was attacked for the Longobardth (celtic popolation) francs and saracens, that ocupated the principal cities of the region, they let to Bisenzio only the Salento(with Otranto y Gallipoli).

Longobarth popolation occuped Gargano, Canosa, and Brindisi (633) Taranto, Bari, etc, while sacarens started to be sostituided by longobarths, till all the region were unificated in a only authority.

Only Bari, city that was seat of an emirate, with greece, longobarth, franc, and saracen popolations, and sometimes with the help of venetians (1002) he could have a little authonomy."

MAybe is that, who knows Galician music knows that is celtic, and that it is similar to Irish music :D

Work?

Today, after of been called and passing some tests, I have started a course for a job. It's a course of three days, but it is about an interesting topic, because it's about the joins and drops out from a telephone company to another.

It has been a lot of hours one then of another (And tomorrow, it will be more) but I'm happy. Nice partners, not difficult instructions (I think) and a busy morning. Then I supose we will do a practise month and finally they will decide if we continue or not.

Does it have consecuences? Well, it's probably that I couldn't go to the European Humanist Forum (4-6 april) So, I couldn't see Paolin, and I couldn't meet my friends or meet the musical groups I like... BUT in that case, I will be working, and earning money, so I could go with I have vacations, and I could stay more time :D