Look into my eyes

Miracle...

I couldn't sleep yesterday because of the people shouting and making noises with their claxon... :D

Samil

Ondas do mar de Vigo,
se vistes meu amigo!
e ai Deus, se verrá cedo!

Ondas do mar levado,
se vistes meu amado!
e ai Deus, se verrá cedo!

Se vistes meu amigo,
o por que eu sospiro!
e ai Deus, se verrá cedo!

Se vistes meu amado
por que ei gram cuidado!
e ai Deus, se verrá cedo!



I open this post with acantiga de amigo, reallyimportant in the Galician culture, to reflect the importance that the sea has for us. And it is because yesterday I went for the second time to Samil's beach this year. It is curious, is a beach that, in the fund, is not significant for me: My parents always has taken me to Patos, and my grandmother, to America beach.Nevertheless, it is the one that is best communicated.





It was hot, in fact I have been burned. When I came to the beach, I could walk placidly along the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Without thinking about anything. I believe that it is one of the things that would miss if some day me was to Milan. Actually it would miss out wherever I would go, so the Atlantic Ocean, in the coasts of Galicia, would say that is unique.

I was entering more and more inside the water. I remembered something that it happened some time ago. One of my uncles had a Cuban girlfriend, and the first time that went to a beach of Galicia, my cousin and I were with them. We two, ran towards the water like mad, and she ran behind... It was clear that when she entered inside, she trembled with cold...




Yesterday while I was lunching, a gull took to itself part of my sandwich... These things before were not happening either, certainly, they go with the times...

The sea has been very important also in the culture and Galician witchcraft. Have you heard speaking about the ritual of nine waves? It is for girls who want to remain pregnant women, and it was consisting of entering the water full moon, and of being left to throb for nine waves.

Yesterday I passed a lot of time in the beach, it is the motive which I burned, and also the motive for which later I was lacking the time...

I hope everything will go well...

I know, I don't draw well...

I have found something curious...

A little "map" I drow when I was in a hotel in Milan last days... after losing myself!



To people who don't know: the circle is Piazza Piola.

Third time lucky

I'm happy, because this time, my third time in Madrid has been different, although we have to sleep some hours in the car...

I have enjoyed myself. I went with Adrián and Salomé, and then of many hours and many stops in many petrol stations, (Going out of Galicia, cross into Ourense and ho through is not an easy thing...) we arrived to Madrid. We went to Atocha's station. Then we headed the city, specially in the Gran Vía street, beause I had to buy a dress to Marta's wedding, it will be in a couple of months. We caught a bus because Salomé had to do an exam in the European University of Madrid, so Adrián and me took something until she went out of there. There is something which called my attention; interprovincial buses belong to the civil service there, here at Vigo, buses haven't nothing to do with the civil service, at least, as I know.

When Salomé comes, we went to eat in a vegetarian restaurant, (Fres.Co ) which by my point of view it is a paradise! It is a kind of self service and all-you-can-eat restaurant. So you eat what you want and in the quantity you want. It is fantastic! I want a restaurant like that in Vigo!

I think is not necessary to say that we made as well two stops in the Starbucks... another luxury that we don't have here... (grrr!)

Another curious thing is that Madrid was full of Italians, maybe by this reason and because I wanted to give a hand to Salomé (she has finished 2º) we talked in Italian some time. On top of that, I dressed my Italy's wristband, so show-off, ha, ha, ha.

It was a small pleasure to me as well, catching the underground, it is one of that things I haven't do in a year. I love going down, feeling that big air gust while the underground doesn't stop, and rush myself towards the door. That is, moving on Italians, one of the times we entered in the underground, a man which dressed a suit, and who I had heard first talking in Italian by the phone, made me a question and then he answered to himself (better like that, because I don't really know Madrid...) When we came into the underground, he was there yet, and Salomé was asking me doubts of Italian language! I explain them to her, I did some comment about the Milan's language as well, (it couldn't miss) and the sir was looking at us with curiosity... I was trying holding back my wishes of laugh...

We went to some drinks at night with an Adrián's friend, so, he and Salomé was talking about the exam and things connected to that. I was a little sleepy, my eyes closed theirselves... Finally, when we said goodbye to him, I tried to sleep a little. But things didn't go well at all. Adrián, ate and drank too much in a petrol station and he hasn't in good conditions to drive. So, we stoped at Castilla y León, finally we had to stay to sleep at a hostal that they had there. Everybody was better in the morning, then of took a little breakfast, we continued with the coming way, lurching and making a lot of stops. We arrived at Vigo on 16.00. I learnt that the motorway to go is the A52 and that is better to be keeping an eye if you don't want to lurch...

Qualifications!

I'm happy.

I have passed all the languages. It means two things: I will be a calm summer, and I could organize myself to returno... The fact is I don't know yet what I'm going to do in my life (Specially because there are many informations which I don't know where to find them)

A new chapter?

Maybe.

Maybe I would have to close a chapter in my life.

Maybe la Viga has to die. And I will be Anahí again. So, the buddist profecy could be real.

Sex and frivolousness

If I have to be sincere, I don't understand that.

I don't understand to people who goes to "have a screw", just without any reason, only to to let off steams, or to let off their daily frustrations. It is absolutely ridiculous. But sex is that to many people: A relief. An energy discharge.

I don't understand to people who says: "Ok, I have fucked somebody else" and he or she feels happy. Sex is not that. Sex is an holy union, by my point of view. There isn't a biggest concept of union in the fisical world. The frivolousness maybe happens because of many reasons, for instance, some media and the hole society, which looks to sex as a manipulation element.

By another point of view, I think nowadays, a woman has to be coscient to know who is going with. Going with anybody to make sex could be really dangerous. Althought they must take responsabilities, usually they don't.

So, why this frivolousness with a topic which means a lot of responsabilities?

Private TV... You are so young...

I laugh if I think that when I have borned there were only 3 TV channels: The Public Tv La Primera opened in 1956, and la 2 in 1965) and the regional Tv, the TVG, which have started its broadcastings in 1985.

In 1990, (When I was 3 or four years old) to invite tenders to have a TV licence. The winners were Canal +, Antena 3 and Telecinco.

Antena 3 was the first, because its regular broadcastings started on 25th of January of 1990, being the firstprivate channel to broadcast to all the country. It is part of the Antena 3 group withOnda Cero, Europa FM, Movierecord, Atres Advertising A3Multimedia, and Unipublic. It was the introduction of Antena3...

Canal + had an special awarding, It had to broadcast obbligatory 6 hours in open transmition, but it could trasmit the rest of programmes as codificated programmes. It started at 8th of June of 1990 with its test broadcastings, and in the 14th of September, its regular ones. (Who don't remember the Canal + tune???)

I have gave to the last to Telecinco, because, There were something fishy going on rather. Telecinco was the second to broadcast, on 3th March of 1990, with almost all the Italian staff and a big show, based in the television format of Canale 5.

There are two curious data which are important to stand out. Firstly, the German and French versions of Canale 5 didn't share the same luck as Telecinco. Telefünf opened in 1988 and closed in 1992. Finally, in 2002, the Tele München Gruppe opened it again. I don't know really the reasons of these changes, because the most part of the information is writing in German... And I don't understand it.

La Cinq, on the other hand, didn't have good luck. It borned in the 1986 and died on 1992, broadcasting in drect, because although most of the programmes had a good sharing of audience, the channel registered losts, and finally, it declared its tecnic bankruptcy. The debt was of a million of Francs, so, they let it die on 12th of April of 1992.

A last curious thing about Telecinco, the Spanish channel, that it is alive, and in fact, is the channel which has more success from two years ago.In 1989, Fininvest had the 25% of the channel, however, since its start in the stock exchange 2004 Mediaset Investimenti have a chilling percentage of the benefits of this channel: ¡¡¡50,13%!!! (Whitout comments,isn't it??)

Nowadays, television grows unstoppable.In 2005, borned Cuatro and in 2006, la Sexta. It arises me a question: Were we happiest when there were only three tv channels, in stead of all that channels that we can have now from the digital plataforms?

I have passed Chinese!

I have passed Chinese (or better, the teacher passed to everybody...)

I have a 6,6 in the listening, a 6 in the writing (grammar) and a 8 in the oral. (I don't know if next years they will make us do a writing comprenhension or a writing exam, but this year they didn't) There is to take in account that now, with the new rules, a 6 is "pass" and a 5 "fail" , so, it influences me in Chinese and English, but not in Italian, as I'm doing 5º and it has the old plan yet.

So, there is something that it has finished... Next week I will know what happened with English and Italian.

Speaking of that, I don't know what to do in my life. There is a FP (profesionistic formation, I don't know really which is the equivalence) but is an higher grade, and to do that, I have to do a Bacherellor for adults...I will go to ask, but It make me feels a little... I don't know :D

pizzica pizzica

I have just seen now that the Italian departament has pubblished the complete video of the pizzica pizzica...

Enjoy it :D

Perhaps... :(

It only ocurred me to sing to the Madonina although I'm not a christian...

Oh mia bèla madonina,
che te brillet de lontan,
tutta d'or e piscinnina,
tì te dominet Milàn....

Si, vegnì senza paura,
num ve slongaremm la man,
tutt el mond l'è on grand paes a semm d'accord
ma Milàn l'è on gran Milàn!

I MISS YOU!

I wait until tomorrow...

I kid myself.

I kid myself thinking it will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow I could breath, tomorroy I could scape. Tomorrow I could look through your eyes, and tell you what I really think. If you are in that tomorrow yet, I will be there.

Another time the "morriña". The morriña, in Galician, is the homesickness. The homesickness which is destroying myself inside and outside of me. Thoughts, lost throught the clouds of my head. Indescriptible anxiety which break my soul too. I don't breath. I can't breath. I must to pass these exams. I must to be free and be calm on September. I have to return.

And we will be again, then of discussions, tears, and a strange plot of love stories, hateness and sex. And we will hug ourselves, while cars shout, people look us with a mixture of hateness and envy, and tram cars move without piety. At the same time, I will look around myself, remembering old memories, and, I will smile, with tears in my eyes.

Tears go down my eyes each time I remember that hug. And I cry when I remember me rounding in the Milan streets, hoping the tomorrow never would come.

But it arrived. And now I'm here, in Vigo, thinking I'm happy about being Galician at the end. Vigo, the city of Olives. Tree of the peace, the fertility, the victory and the reward. But I don't have internal peace, I have to won my victory, and the reward would be the result. Waiting yet. Dreaming yet. An. And.

I'm only a phantom of the past...?

Incredible...

And it has finished...

And official lessons have finished. Now is the turn of exams. The English and Chinese lessons have finished in a regular way, but not the Italian ones.

At the Italian classes we never had a united group, but two groups. Today the evidences exploted. The revolted band went to the café to cellebrate a course's ending, hypocritical and clandestinelest. However, the symphatizers of the "captain" Fabio, stayed in class, in a respect and educated way, paying attention to his last explanations.

Tensions in that class were evidents, but this last times, tension was really hard. There was only a timetable to Italian, with hens and owls. Almost everybody, women, and the hipocrisy was obvious. The hipocrisy's play has been obligatory during the course. If not, you could be uncorrectly seen.

And now it has finished, almost the ship hasn't arrived to a safe port. I think that every soldier could obey to his captain, or at least respect him, but I could see that not everybody thinks like me.

Destination: Subitam Vel Repentinam Mutationem

Yesterday I defeated.

I went to work, as all days, but I knew that It already will be not the same. They have made us to do client service. I have gone, again, with my mp3 in my ears. I entered, I sat, I started to work, and then they make us go there. It was horrible.

Then on some calls, which I deal, the crisis arrived. It calls an angry person. I couldn't do everything. I didn't found the information. People didn't notice that I needed some help. I was, at least, fifteen minutes like that. I couldn't deal with all the pression of doing everything at the same time. I crumbled. I couldn't take breath, I couldn't evite crying as a stupid one, the hands shaked. I wanted to move away to my conscience but she was there.

Finally, when I was destroyed, they took me to a room. Two cold and rigid shadows, pretended to understand what was happening. They tried to make me feel calm, and they tried to convince me to return. But words were full of hipocrisy. They only wanted to wash their hands. I felt that.

Later, I went, listening music again. I only listened a song: Heart-Shaped glasses, of Marilyn Manson. It is curious, but it is the only thing that makes me feel calm as a sedative when I am at the limits of self-destruction.

On top of that, two of my Milan's friends are playing with fire. They have done a trip, and it is the second time that they told: "Next time I'm going to meeting you!" If you would want to go, you would have already gone.. Don't wait me to go to Milan, fuck off!

Concentrated in my dreams

I have started to looking how to make my dreams take shape, and realize them. I don't think already at time, but only at the objective (As the pacient buddists do) I have posed myself a lot of objectives to this year when it started, and actually, I'm working on it. I don't think to give up.

Maybe there are a couple of objectives which are more important than the others, the first of them is returning to Milan. Of course, In a hand, as I work,I'm saving money now. In the other hand, I'm looking for alternatives to evite passing for Madrid or Barcelona, and of course, there is an interesting alternative, which is taking a bus from Vigo to Oporto. There are regular lines of departure and return, which go from the bus station to the Oporto's airport. The only problem is that I would go from the bus station many hours first of the flight... At least, three of four, he, he.

The other big objective is the artistic development. It is something which is a little blocked now, specially because of the school and the exams that are starting soon (two of Chinese, four of English and five of Italian) but when classes finish, I will try to put myself into that absolutely.

Now, I just wait. I wait, but concentrated, to finish the school. I wait and dream.

Some photos

These are some photos (I have downloaded only the photos in where I am) when we were going to Toledo...

The rest of them are in the album of Sonia, as another times, hehehe.

I think that one of my friends from Milan is right... I have had a fisical change really spetacular...

How do you see me? :D

Sexuality

At my 21 years old and a half, is not difficult to realize that sexuality is a completely taboo subject, people looks to that with a strange perception yet, and don't think about it how is it like, a part of us, of our nature. We insist in hiding it in the deepest of us to evite critics, because we don't want the others to think about our unreasoning when we are supposed to be racional animals.

There is another thing that is curious as well, the most part of us are bisexual and we usually don't know it, we take a decission tendencially, but probably inconscius. It's not our blame, but is like that. There is people who thinks that is unnatural, e people who says that is an habitual behaviour, with apes too. And I don't believe they are implant these things.

Nowadays,there is who talk about the boom of the sexuality. There is not a fashion, the fact is that along more than forty years, at least here, they had to occult there ideas because of frieghtning to the reprisals...

I think there is only a thing represenhible, which is when somebody obblies to another person to do what he doesn't want, specially if is a weak and defenceless person. Everybody should be free without be critisized.

It is time to give up the label of whore for women, and the one of virile for men.