Friday, May 30, 2008

I have passed Chinese!

I have passed Chinese (or better, the teacher passed to everybody...)

I have a 6,6 in the listening, a 6 in the writing (grammar) and a 8 in the oral. (I don't know if next years they will make us do a writing comprenhension or a writing exam, but this year they didn't) There is to take in account that now, with the new rules, a 6 is "pass" and a 5 "fail" , so, it influences me in Chinese and English, but not in Italian, as I'm doing 5º and it has the old plan yet.

So, there is something that it has finished... Next week I will know what happened with English and Italian.

Speaking of that, I don't know what to do in my life. There is a FP (profesionistic formation, I don't know really which is the equivalence) but is an higher grade, and to do that, I have to do a Bacherellor for adults...I will go to ask, but It make me feels a little... I don't know :D

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

pizzica pizzica

I have just seen now that the Italian departament has pubblished the complete video of the pizzica pizzica...

Enjoy it :D

Perhaps... :(

It only ocurred me to sing to the Madonina although I'm not a christian...

Oh mia bèla madonina,
che te brillet de lontan,
tutta d'or e piscinnina,
tì te dominet Milàn....

Si, vegnì senza paura,
num ve slongaremm la man,
tutt el mond l'è on grand paes a semm d'accord
ma Milàn l'è on gran Milàn!


Sunday, May 25, 2008

I wait until tomorrow...

I kid myself.

I kid myself thinking it will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow I could breath, tomorroy I could scape. Tomorrow I could look through your eyes, and tell you what I really think. If you are in that tomorrow yet, I will be there.

Another time the "morriña". The morriña, in Galician, is the homesickness. The homesickness which is destroying myself inside and outside of me. Thoughts, lost throught the clouds of my head. Indescriptible anxiety which break my soul too. I don't breath. I can't breath. I must to pass these exams. I must to be free and be calm on September. I have to return.

And we will be again, then of discussions, tears, and a strange plot of love stories, hateness and sex. And we will hug ourselves, while cars shout, people look us with a mixture of hateness and envy, and tram cars move without piety. At the same time, I will look around myself, remembering old memories, and, I will smile, with tears in my eyes.

Tears go down my eyes each time I remember that hug. And I cry when I remember me rounding in the Milan streets, hoping the tomorrow never would come.

But it arrived. And now I'm here, in Vigo, thinking I'm happy about being Galician at the end. Vigo, the city of Olives. Tree of the peace, the fertility, the victory and the reward. But I don't have internal peace, I have to won my victory, and the reward would be the result. Waiting yet. Dreaming yet. An. And.

I'm only a phantom of the past...?

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Thursday, May 22, 2008

And it has finished...

And official lessons have finished. Now is the turn of exams. The English and Chinese lessons have finished in a regular way, but not the Italian ones.

At the Italian classes we never had a united group, but two groups. Today the evidences exploted. The revolted band went to the café to cellebrate a course's ending, hypocritical and clandestinelest. However, the symphatizers of the "captain" Fabio, stayed in class, in a respect and educated way, paying attention to his last explanations.

Tensions in that class were evidents, but this last times, tension was really hard. There was only a timetable to Italian, with hens and owls. Almost everybody, women, and the hipocrisy was obvious. The hipocrisy's play has been obligatory during the course. If not, you could be uncorrectly seen.

And now it has finished, almost the ship hasn't arrived to a safe port. I think that every soldier could obey to his captain, or at least respect him, but I could see that not everybody thinks like me.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Destination: Subitam Vel Repentinam Mutationem

Yesterday I defeated.

I went to work, as all days, but I knew that It already will be not the same. They have made us to do client service. I have gone, again, with my mp3 in my ears. I entered, I sat, I started to work, and then they make us go there. It was horrible.

Then on some calls, which I deal, the crisis arrived. It calls an angry person. I couldn't do everything. I didn't found the information. People didn't notice that I needed some help. I was, at least, fifteen minutes like that. I couldn't deal with all the pression of doing everything at the same time. I crumbled. I couldn't take breath, I couldn't evite crying as a stupid one, the hands shaked. I wanted to move away to my conscience but she was there.

Finally, when I was destroyed, they took me to a room. Two cold and rigid shadows, pretended to understand what was happening. They tried to make me feel calm, and they tried to convince me to return. But words were full of hipocrisy. They only wanted to wash their hands. I felt that.

Later, I went, listening music again. I only listened a song: Heart-Shaped glasses, of Marilyn Manson. It is curious, but it is the only thing that makes me feel calm as a sedative when I am at the limits of self-destruction.

On top of that, two of my Milan's friends are playing with fire. They have done a trip, and it is the second time that they told: "Next time I'm going to meeting you!" If you would want to go, you would have already gone.. Don't wait me to go to Milan, fuck off!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Concentrated in my dreams

I have started to looking how to make my dreams take shape, and realize them. I don't think already at time, but only at the objective (As the pacient buddists do) I have posed myself a lot of objectives to this year when it started, and actually, I'm working on it. I don't think to give up.

Maybe there are a couple of objectives which are more important than the others, the first of them is returning to Milan. Of course, In a hand, as I work,I'm saving money now. In the other hand, I'm looking for alternatives to evite passing for Madrid or Barcelona, and of course, there is an interesting alternative, which is taking a bus from Vigo to Oporto. There are regular lines of departure and return, which go from the bus station to the Oporto's airport. The only problem is that I would go from the bus station many hours first of the flight... At least, three of four, he, he.

The other big objective is the artistic development. It is something which is a little blocked now, specially because of the school and the exams that are starting soon (two of Chinese, four of English and five of Italian) but when classes finish, I will try to put myself into that absolutely.

Now, I just wait. I wait, but concentrated, to finish the school. I wait and dream.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Some photos

These are some photos (I have downloaded only the photos in where I am) when we were going to Toledo...

The rest of them are in the album of Sonia, as another times, hehehe.

I think that one of my friends from Milan is right... I have had a fisical change really spetacular...

How do you see me? :D


At my 21 years old and a half, is not difficult to realize that sexuality is a completely taboo subject, people looks to that with a strange perception yet, and don't think about it how is it like, a part of us, of our nature. We insist in hiding it in the deepest of us to evite critics, because we don't want the others to think about our unreasoning when we are supposed to be racional animals.

There is another thing that is curious as well, the most part of us are bisexual and we usually don't know it, we take a decission tendencially, but probably inconscius. It's not our blame, but is like that. There is people who thinks that is unnatural, e people who says that is an habitual behaviour, with apes too. And I don't believe they are implant these things.

Nowadays,there is who talk about the boom of the sexuality. There is not a fashion, the fact is that along more than forty years, at least here, they had to occult there ideas because of frieghtning to the reprisals...

I think there is only a thing represenhible, which is when somebody obblies to another person to do what he doesn't want, specially if is a weak and defenceless person. Everybody should be free without be critisized.

It is time to give up the label of whore for women, and the one of virile for men.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Is because of stress

Spring has been always unpleasant to me. I always feel tired in spring. Furthermore of been tired, I'm always stressed. The reasons of my stress are many, the work, classes, family, the insufficient inspiration and the fisical pain. I felt stressed because my emotions on past years, but now, I don't think much about that stupid things, because I have much to do. Is not only that, some things, as my thoughts about men an the relationship I have with them, have changed.

Yesterday I had to do the oral exposition of Italian. I have delayed it already once, and while I was doing it, I felt as I was diying... I did it about the celts in Italy. I felt so nervous, but anyway, my voice doesn't shaked, and my body neither (that's strange, in general, when I feel nervous, my hands shake and I laugh a lot) My partners told me that they hadn't noticed I was nervous.

This is my last Italian year. In a hand, I'm glad about that because maybe I would felt less stress, but in the other hand, it's a pity for me. Obviously, I don't feel like repeating course :D but, in the end, when you know you finish something, you know that some situations will be not repeated. In that 5 years of Italian, I have learned a lot of things. It took me in many ways I didn't have imagined first, and it gave me (And is giving me) mindblowing moments. It has changed all my history...

I think the worst thing anyway, haven't come yet: The last week on this month, I will have all my exams, around ten, So, I have to concentrate myself in it :D

Sunday, May 04, 2008


Everybody has enemies, people who complicates my life, or we feel bad, when everything is going well to them and not to us, simply. Nobody is free of people who walk on us, and who seem to do everything better and have more opportunities, or about who enviies and hurt us... or try it.

But at the same time, having enemies could be an incentive. An incentive to struggle, compete, to be better. Maybe having enemies is good, because it makes to exert ourselves, and make them value us... That can help to oneself.

So, next time you will see your enemies, don't think "I will walk on you". But only: "I will be better than you" and work to realize your dreams.
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