That boy of the ATM...

State- sad

Song- Gianna Nannini- Attimo

I’m sad. Thoughtful. Months have past, but I remember. I remember when I was at Gratosoglio, and a young driver, I think an autobus driver, told me “Buongiorno” with a smile. I answered, with a smile too. And I continued by my way. I don’t remember if the driver was a a tram driver or a autobus driver, but probably the second one. There are two trams there, the 3 and the 15, and the line 79 of bus. And the boy was waiting some minutes first of going again. I didn’t say nothing in that moment, because I had Fabio. But I have to say that I didn’t forgot that boy. And I regret not to say nothing else.

I couldn’t find his trace. I returned to my home. I don’t know why I remember him. Maybe I lie myself and I try to distract my conscience of my sad and cruel life. I’m not in my Milan. And spring arrived. Spring makes me feel strange. Who was him? What was his name? Maybe that smile was just my imagination? I Orly know that I remember him. And nobody can help me.

Courage

State: A little bit tired
Song: Los Piratas- La sal

I have been to Italy for two months. Fortunately, I'm back to Milan again (alwayas as an a pair) If I couldn't return to Milan again, I would get crazy. I can't stand the little villages. I'm a city woman. I prefer to feel under my feet that the road shaking because of the underground,instead of hearing no noise at nights. It makes me feel alive.Apart from that, some situations make me prefer always Milan.

Unfortunately, it is not all right. Some people are not really well. Some people because I'm far. Another people, although I'm close to them, they have really big problems.

Each second is important... I haven't realise of it at first.

Some people think that to do what I did (going abroad, without nothing for sure and with the risk of losing everything) is for courageous people. Maybe is not for courageous people, but it is for crazy people. For coward people. I needed to go. Not many people suffrered, but the people who suffered, they suffered a lot. Not many people realise that I have arrived, neither. But I didn't go unnoticed for some people.

Some things that are happening around me are too hard for me, but I have to be strong.

Destination: Subitam Vel Repentinam Mutationem

Yesterday I defeated.

I went to work, as all days, but I knew that It already will be not the same. They have made us to do client service. I have gone, again, with my mp3 in my ears. I entered, I sat, I started to work, and then they make us go there. It was horrible.

Then on some calls, which I deal, the crisis arrived. It calls an angry person. I couldn't do everything. I didn't found the information. People didn't notice that I needed some help. I was, at least, fifteen minutes like that. I couldn't deal with all the pression of doing everything at the same time. I crumbled. I couldn't take breath, I couldn't evite crying as a stupid one, the hands shaked. I wanted to move away to my conscience but she was there.

Finally, when I was destroyed, they took me to a room. Two cold and rigid shadows, pretended to understand what was happening. They tried to make me feel calm, and they tried to convince me to return. But words were full of hipocrisy. They only wanted to wash their hands. I felt that.

Later, I went, listening music again. I only listened a song: Heart-Shaped glasses, of Marilyn Manson. It is curious, but it is the only thing that makes me feel calm as a sedative when I am at the limits of self-destruction.

On top of that, two of my Milan's friends are playing with fire. They have done a trip, and it is the second time that they told: "Next time I'm going to meeting you!" If you would want to go, you would have already gone.. Don't wait me to go to Milan, fuck off!

And it hasn't finished yet...

I found the video of "Qué jallo é" too (1994, I probably was 7 or 8 years old ) When I was a child, the truth is that I was afraid of them...

yesterday what it happened to me is that, then of watching it, I couldn't avoid to be moved and cry... Not by sadness, but by happyness and melancholy...

Men...

I have a big mix-up in my mind..

I have a lot of men in my mind... And I don0t know if I'm important to someone...

Probably I'm not nothing to some of then. Or an admirer. Or a friend. But no-one will dream with me...

I'm listening a song that predicts the tragedy...

About art

A human is who knows how to make you cry. An artist is who knows how to make you laugh.

Bad weekend

This weekend wasn't the best:

- Fights at Friday night
- Melancholy at Saturday night
- Wishes of realize an impossible dream
- Jelousy at Sunday.

Happy 2007

Good morning to everybody (Well, it's 14.12, but I've just get up!) Evening has gone well, I took a good dinner in my grandparent's house, and then I went to Etnias. I drink some malibu with pineapple, I had some boy behind me, and I danced without control.

Now I have to going to past to take stock of this last year. It hasn't gone bad, although there were some bad things. The year 2006 it didn't have started well, with my emotions out of control (Now I'm a little bit calm) I wanted to solve with Marco in that moment, and the true is that now I wouldn't want to solve anything. Did he earn my tears? I don't know, the whole thing is that now I'm as free as the wind and I'm proud about, I take a good use of my time ;). I admit that this year, I had a lot of men in my mind. I had my emotions really out of control.


Artistically, I can't complain: My evolution is positive, and sometimes I have oportunities. For example, I have participated in a poetry book in Italian. About my musical taste, if somebody say me: "Tell me about the musical group you have listened most of the time this year" The answer is obvious. Gem Boy! And if somebody dislikes it, can get f*****.

I had good luck too about religion, I found a lot of wiccans this year. And not only that, I knew a lot of people for going out and talking :D.

I started this year with a lot of dreams and hopes, without hurry, but without breaks. I want to progress with my artistic evolution, getting on well with my studies, losing a little sense of shame, and making some things more difficult to do, but not impossible...

Happy 2007 to everybody!

I feel full.

Hi to everybody:

At this period I feel full because of many reasons. I feel good, it seems that all my dreams started to be real.

People say that there are three things in the life: Healthy, money and love. I don't really agree. Healthy is important, of course, it is a basic mainstay of a happy person. Money, it depends of the level. We have to be agree with the money that we have. And love... Well, love is important but not essential. Is more important to have people near to you when the boat starts to sink.

In fact, one of the better things that I started to live is that I'm knowing a lot of people, for example, school partners, or people who share my religion believes...

Is an important thing too, that artistic, I'm started to feel more realized, more important to people... I don't know. I start to find more oportunities. Is one of the more important things for me, to be valued for people artistically.

At last, about my emotional life, there's not a certain thing, but I see more clearly everything.There are things to make clear and battles to fight, and I don't know what will be the finish. But I have hopes.