Nerves

Status: Thoughful
Song: Gamba de Legn- Ciapasala no

Hi everyone, I have decided to write again, I have only the English exams, on Monday and Thursday, but now I have much more time because I don't have lessons. The Chinese exams have gone ok, although the day of the oral exam I met the director of studies (who is a little bit teasing, and as I said sometimes, he taught me...) And he asked me if I was making such a racket upstairs (Oh, of course, you ask it to somebody who is really quiet...:D)

During this days I felt a little sad because I don't know anything about the job. I tried to call and... no answer. And there is a month to go. Obviously, this fact upset me. To tell the truth, I was starting to think in staying at home, but I realised that I absolutely have to go. Whatever happens. Deep down, the most seriously thing that could happen is to have the need of going to the Spanish consulate and ask for a return ticket, But I hope not to reach that limit...

Nevertheless, during last weeks I have had a kind of virtual love at first sight with a boy from Milan, the strangest thing is that it seems to be mutual.... He has impressed myself a lot really, and it seems that I impressed him too. By the way, independiently of this, he looks surprised because he says I look really involved with politics... To tell the truth I have been interested in that for some years... My ideas had been always more or less the same... More or less. The most curious thing is that regarding Italy, some people really convinced of their ideas have done that I could know some people (virtually at last) of the politics world. Some majors, dipolomate ranks and candidates. o_O

At least, I has been called from the ONCE for a Braille course. They really have the obbligation of organize courses, but there are not many volonteers at Vigo, so they organise this course sometimes :D

What strange dreams...

Status: dreamer
Song: Ligabue: Niente paura

Today I had a strange dream, but satisfying, and at the same time, stressful...

I was in a company, at Milan, where nobody spoke Spanish and they need somebody that could speak Spanish and Italian... So, I was working there, and they called me many times to translate what was telling somebody, or also to translate documents... I don't remember much, basically I remember I was really in a hurry... :D

If that dream was real... I would be so happy :D

I realize that I dreamt something else but I do not know exactly what I dreamt...

Destination: Subitam Vel Repentinam Mutationem

Yesterday I defeated.

I went to work, as all days, but I knew that It already will be not the same. They have made us to do client service. I have gone, again, with my mp3 in my ears. I entered, I sat, I started to work, and then they make us go there. It was horrible.

Then on some calls, which I deal, the crisis arrived. It calls an angry person. I couldn't do everything. I didn't found the information. People didn't notice that I needed some help. I was, at least, fifteen minutes like that. I couldn't deal with all the pression of doing everything at the same time. I crumbled. I couldn't take breath, I couldn't evite crying as a stupid one, the hands shaked. I wanted to move away to my conscience but she was there.

Finally, when I was destroyed, they took me to a room. Two cold and rigid shadows, pretended to understand what was happening. They tried to make me feel calm, and they tried to convince me to return. But words were full of hipocrisy. They only wanted to wash their hands. I felt that.

Later, I went, listening music again. I only listened a song: Heart-Shaped glasses, of Marilyn Manson. It is curious, but it is the only thing that makes me feel calm as a sedative when I am at the limits of self-destruction.

On top of that, two of my Milan's friends are playing with fire. They have done a trip, and it is the second time that they told: "Next time I'm going to meeting you!" If you would want to go, you would have already gone.. Don't wait me to go to Milan, fuck off!

Is because of stress

Spring has been always unpleasant to me. I always feel tired in spring. Furthermore of been tired, I'm always stressed. The reasons of my stress are many, the work, classes, family, the insufficient inspiration and the fisical pain. I felt stressed because my emotions on past years, but now, I don't think much about that stupid things, because I have much to do. Is not only that, some things, as my thoughts about men an the relationship I have with them, have changed.

Yesterday I had to do the oral exposition of Italian. I have delayed it already once, and while I was doing it, I felt as I was diying... I did it about the celts in Italy. I felt so nervous, but anyway, my voice doesn't shaked, and my body neither (that's strange, in general, when I feel nervous, my hands shake and I laugh a lot) My partners told me that they hadn't noticed I was nervous.

This is my last Italian year. In a hand, I'm glad about that because maybe I would felt less stress, but in the other hand, it's a pity for me. Obviously, I don't feel like repeating course :D but, in the end, when you know you finish something, you know that some situations will be not repeated. In that 5 years of Italian, I have learned a lot of things. It took me in many ways I didn't have imagined first, and it gave me (And is giving me) mindblowing moments. It has changed all my history...

I think the worst thing anyway, haven't come yet: The last week on this month, I will have all my exams, around ten, So, I have to concentrate myself in it :D

Stressful period

I'm in a stressful period of the year. In a hand, yesterday I felt so bad at job. They made me take callings, and I felt an useless person. Finally. they made me do what I had done first. I will take a dislike to the telephones, the programmes and Orange. Uff.
In the other hand, it is an stressful period at the school languages too. We have to talk for a minute in Chinese (I haven't done yet because I didn't have time to prepare it) and I have to do an oral exposition in ITalian. I think that it has to be a 10 minutes exposition. Anyway, I already know what to talk about: About Celts in Italy. Brugh and Iunthanaka have passed me a lot of information about the Celtic Milan. Milan, I miss you so much. I love you and I hate you, you are my dream and my nightmare, awful tears of happiness... But I will return, although I know that I will feel in a tense situation as when I went, or maybe more...

Dreams....

A few days ago, I have had a curious dream.



Yes, it was me. I had a blue suit that looks great. So formal. My hear was put up in a bun. My lips, were made up. And I had a black small case. (No, I haven't robbed a bank)



I run as a crazy woman into the Milan streets. I run, I looked at my watch. I was in a hurry. In a big hurry. I was late. I arrived to an underground stop, and I went downstairs as fast as I could. In that moment, I have lost the underground that I had to take. I wait patiently the next one. When I was into, I tried to be a little calm. I was late, but there was only a little to arrive. Finally, I went down and ran. I ran as never I have run. I arrived to a place that seems an office. I went into.


Too late. A group of men, were sitted in front a table, and they looked at me... Some of them smile me, and another had face of: Where have you been????Uff.....

Work?

Today, after of been called and passing some tests, I have started a course for a job. It's a course of three days, but it is about an interesting topic, because it's about the joins and drops out from a telephone company to another.

It has been a lot of hours one then of another (And tomorrow, it will be more) but I'm happy. Nice partners, not difficult instructions (I think) and a busy morning. Then I supose we will do a practise month and finally they will decide if we continue or not.

Does it have consecuences? Well, it's probably that I couldn't go to the European Humanist Forum (4-6 april) So, I couldn't see Paolin, and I couldn't meet my friends or meet the musical groups I like... BUT in that case, I will be working, and earning money, so I could go with I have vacations, and I could stay more time :D