Sunday, October 05, 2008

Spiral of indecission

I look myself into the mirror. Surprised. Thoughtful. And I start again in the Languages School, I start again to study Chinese and English, but it's the first time in five years that I don't have to study Italian. It is strange to me after five years. I could go to the complementary classes at most, but, would they be useful? I mean, I am so trained in internet. The wheel which rounds and rounds. As a wiccan song says:

Air moves us,
Fire transforms us,
Water shapes us,
Earth Heals Us.
And The Balance Of The Wheel Goes Round And Round.

And the wheel rounds. A new period in my life is opening a way. Changes come around while I eat chocolate as I wouldn't be the main character, but a member of the audience. It's not true really. There aren't members of an audience, we all are characters of this strange novel that is all life. I remember, when I was that young girl of 18 years old, at the 2º year of the languages school,the teacher who pulled my leg because she was embarassed to talk in Italian language. And now? What about now? Somebody has called me bauscia and mangianebbia. Maybe because I live Milan, when I'm far too. It let me a mark forever, as a smiles and tears story, as a devil who wants to smile, as an underground speed which run through my dreams into a doubts' forest. Yesterday something stupid happens to me. I slept for five minutes and I had an strange dream:

Piola... fermata Piola.

I rase up the underground fast. I made some balances to try not to fall and sat up. And again:

Loreto... fermata Loreto.

I went down, confused until I found my way. Have I found it? Not really. I'm going to do 22 years old (17 october) and I don't know yet what is my way. I hope to find it first to arrive to Abbiategrasso. It could be too late.

And I will see the surprised faces of my teachers, now ex Italian teachers, while I go around and around in a spiral of indecission who orders much than me, more than my parents would like to order, more than how I could lose myself throught the notes of a song with happy ending.

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